Leon's Underwear
by CaptainSkittlez
Summary: oneshot, challenge fic. In less than 1000 words, write about Leon's underwear. Stupid, pointless drivel.


"OH

"OH. MY. HYNE."

Aerith blinked, looking up from her book and saw Yuffie sprawled across the front of the HQ, washing lying around her in scattered piles and mostly a mess. She cringed softly, wondering why she continued to ask Yuffie to go to pick up the washing from Mrs. Delanie, but her attention was dragged kicking and screaming away from that thought, when she saw what was in Yuffie's hands.

They were boxers, that much was clear. Belonging to one of the boys – she automatically ruled out Cid, because this was not his style. They were blue, and fairly tight fitting – not the baggy kind most teenagers wore. But she was perplexed – surely these did not belong to Leon Loire or Cloud Strife.

Aside being blue, they bore one other iota of colour. It was a picture, mostly yellow in its design, but it took up all of the left side. And Aerith giggled. She couldn't help herself, the thought of the two stoic warriors wearing these under the obscene amounts of black their both put on was just… hilarious.

"Is that…" she started, before another fit of giggles overcame her, "is that Spongebob Squarepants?"

The look on Yuffie's face was enough for Aerith. Clearly, the little yellow creature _was _Spongebob. Yuffie's startled expression was finally overcome with sadistic glee as she shot up, prancing around and holding them out at arm's length, her fingers stretching the elastic waist. "WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA?" she sang, her voice scratching and wailing, causing Aerith to cringe in horror. That poor girl needed desperate singing lessons. As she stopped in front of her, Yuffie bent over at the waist, waving them in her face. "So like… whose are they, dyathink?" she asked, with a kind of eerie malevolence that made Aerith nervous.

"I'm… not sure," the Cetra replied, tilting her head thoughtfully. "Leon or Cloud's," she mused, tapping her chin gently. But really… Those two, wearing Spongebob Squarepants boxer shorts? It was an incredulous thought that had the Cetra almost laugh again. It was so hard to imagine either of them pulling off their stoic, angry faces while wearing those.

Of course, being Yuffie, the ninja had to take it a step further. She rolled them up as much she could, slipping her big boots into them and hauled them up, tucking them over her own shorts. Sticking out her thumb, she giggle with insane glee and danced around, skipping over the washing that lay around in a mess.

Continuing with her song, she danced around the room, making a mockery of herself and whichever of the two boys wore those boxers. Aerith couldn't help but laugh, and even sing along at one point, joining Yuffie for a chorus of 'who lives in a pineapple under the sea?' much to her own surprise.

Finally, breathing heavy, the ninja stopped, stuck her hands on her hips and said, "I think Cloud," she said, rolling her hips slowly and snorting in a very unladylike way. "Cuz I'm sure he's gay, anyway. At least Leon notices when women ogle him." The ninja patted her stomach, looking down at the grinning face of Spongebob and then looked at Aerith. "What about you?"

The Cetra blushed, realising that this was a fairly big invasion of privacy, all of a sudden. How the tables would turn if it was Leon and Cloud talking about a pair of _their_ underwear! Of course, the thought of Leon dancing around in frilly pink underwear came to mind after that thought, and Aerith burst into giggles again, her hand over her mouth. "Leon!" she said, after catching her breath. "Definitely. All that leather must be depressing, maybe he likes a little… fun," she added.

Yuffie burst out laughing, a fit of giggles hitting her. "Fun in his pants?" she asked, trying to imagine Leon humming the theme tune for SpongeBob and taking those out in the morning. She grinned and danced back a step. "I bet he does," she added, snorting a little bit. "Maybe that's how he gets through the day?" she asked, wondering if it was Leon who wore them.

Aerith smiled, standing up and moving around the room, picking up clothing and putting it back into the linen basket, folded up. Yuffie was clumsy, but this time it had paid off, because one of the boys now had a secret lose to the prying ears of the girls. Aerith made a note to let Tifa know this one.

There was a thump, which made Aerith gasp, because she knew of only one person who hit the wall before they entered the HQ. It was Leon's usual abuse of the scenery, to show he was mad without expressing it. Yuffie turned, her eyes wide and her mouth open as the wooden door swung open, and Leon stepped in.

He was carrying his jacket in one hand, with Lionheart in the other, and resting across his shoulder. He stopped in the doorway, staring at Yuffie with a look of abject horror on his face. The moment was more tense than anything else that had gone down in the small room that served as their living area for HQ. Leon's mouth floundered like a fishes, and Yuffie cringed, managing to curl into a ball and stay standing at the same time.

Aerith reached out to stop Leon, but he quickly stepped back and slammed the door, and his running footsteps let them know he _wasn't_ going to be home for dinner.

"Well," the Cetra ventured, to the frozen, terrified ninja. "I think we can assume they're Leon's underwear."


End file.
